Dating 101: Advance From Friend to Boyfriend

Four ways to make her see you in a different light

By Dating coach David Wygant

An interesting dating topic that always seems to come across my desk involves guys who have female friends they want to date. I get all versions of this dating question: “How do I get out of the friend zone and into the boyfriend zone?”
This topic is especially interesting to me right now because I am currently dating a woman with whom I started out being just friends. When I first met her, she was actually dating somebody else.
So how did I go from the friend zone to the boyfriend zone? Did I subliminally do some mind tricks to convince her that dating me would be a far better experience than the one she was having with her boyfriend? Absolutely not. What I did was I got to know her to get into the boyfriend zone.
Here are four tips to help you get a woman to look at you in a different way:
  1. Don’t sell yourself. If you meet and become friends with a woman who has a boyfriend, don’t sell yourself to her at all. Get to know her over a period of time. If a woman is attracted to you as a person, she could become attracted to you as a significant other. It all depends on where she is in her life.
    We all know that many relationships tend to “go south” and end. The problem is that a lot of single men will meet a woman who is in a relationship and decide not to befriend her at all. I’m not suggesting that you become the shoulder she comes to cry on when things are going wrong with her boyfriend. But you can get to know her as a person, because you never know where life may lead you down the road. So don’t be a salesman, and don’t berate her boyfriend. Be yourself. Have a good time with her, and see if natural chemistry develops between you. When you are genuine and take the time to get to know her as a person, she might start to look at you in a different light and end her relationship.
  2. Don’t be afraid to express yourself.

    “If you’ve already been friends for a long time and she’s never thought about you in a romantic way, there’s a good chance she’ll never think of you romantically.”

    If you’ve already been friends for a long time and she’s never thought about you in a romantic way, there’s a good chance she’ll never think of you romantically. The way so many guys get themselves into the eternal friend zone is that they play it too safe when they first meet a woman. They act in a very passive-aggressive way toward her. They are so afraid of expressing any indication of their romantic interest that they go out of their way not to express any feelings toward her at all. For example, instead of really asking the woman out on a date, they ask her to hang out in a group. You will always end up in the friend zone in this situation, because you have never asked her out on a real date. If you’re interested in a woman, you need to ask her out so it’s clear to her that you are interested.

  3. Be patient. Stop thinking about immediate gratification all the time. Not every woman you meet today is going to want to go out with you tonight. Think of befriending women as building a portfolio of interesting people with whom you can get together in the future. You need to treat the single women you meet as long-term investments. Just enjoy getting to know her as a person right now, because you never know what may happen. Chemistry just might spark between the two of you.
  4. Be direct. Don’t ever ask a woman’s friends to tell you about what she is thinking, and in particular do not ask them what she thinks about you. If you’ve got a crush on a female friend of yours, you need to call her and say, “You know what? I want to go out with you. You and I need to hang out alone.” Make it clear to her that you want to go out on a date with her. It doesn’t matter if she says yes or if she says no. It just matters that you take the chance.

    “You will define the relationship one way or another, and then you can move forward.”

    You will define the relationship one way or another, and then you can move forward.

Dating takes a lot of patience and perseverance. The best things in life, in fact, tend to pay off when you have patience and perseverance. No one is ever completely successful the first time they do something.
So start being willing to take your time. Take time to look at all the single women you’ve met in your life, and think about whether any of them stick out as being someone you’d like to get to know again. Perhaps she’s someone you became friends with when you first met. Send her a text or call her on the phone. Who knows? She might be more receptive to you the second time around.
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