The sexual tension in the room is thick like vinyl, whilst all is quiet aside from those yearning thoughts intermingling with the sound of Sade’s “Sweetest Taboo” humming out from the iPod dock.
The room is dimly lit by an array of glass hurricanes and tea lights overlooking a roaring fire easing out of the bedrooms corner fireplace.
Wine glasses, strawberries, Cristal on ice…
…and nestled in between the highway to ecstasy and ever after, lies the perfect couple both confident, flawless, and showing no signs of insecurity. Nude and in their prelude to making love.
Yeah okay, maybe in the movies. Cue: record scratching sound effect.
Let’s try this again… Take 2.
It’s 1 a.m., and that someone special has decided to walk you all the way to the front door after an incredible date. You already know it’s about to go down, since the two of you have been dancing around the horizontal waltz for far too long.
So far so good, after the first rounds of your short-lived courtship. But holding hands in the park, and canoodling at the movies is a far cry from loving in the buff, and waking up to misplaced eyelashes, crooked lacefronts and girdle free mid-sections.
So there you are, wrestling with your clothing, about to “Set it Off.” And no I’m not talking about robbing banks, but rather gearing up for your first intimate encounter with that new man in your life.
The first thought on your mind: “Does my underwear match my bra?”
Your second: “I wonder what he’s going to think about me without makeup on in the morning.”
Your third: “Wow! This is the first time he’s going to see me naked and I wonder how long I can hold in my pudge before I pass out.”
And your final thought: “Gravity is the number one enemy to every push-up bra.”
It’s likely happened to all of us once or twice in a lifetime, and if that weren’t true, comedians like Katt Williams wouldn’t have written those truths into his 2006 comedy video “The Pimp Chronicles.”
What goes on between the sheets is a very personal moment of self-exposure. You’re leaving yourself open for examination, vulnerable to the eyes of another, and in the dark about what’s racing through their thoughts at that moment.
Now sure we’re all different, and we’re all going to have a varying mindset when it comes to our anxieties before sex. I’m not insinuating every woman on earth has an extreme case of discontent, nor am I stating every time we ladies are getting ready to share our bed, we go through a major bout of lost self-confidence.
One thing is for certain, no woman or man is totally free from occasionally getting bit by the insecurity bug when it’s their first time making love to someone new. It’s natural to be nervous, have questions, and anxieties. It shows you care about what the person you’re with thinks of you. And I concede to that being a valid question because you’re sharing something as precious as your body with someone.
But what’s to blame?
The portrayal of seemingly picture perfect women in the media is sometimes the culprit behind a lot of our misguided thoughts of self. But just because the idea they’re projecting is of the notion we all should look like Zoe Saldana, or Beyonce, doesn’t mean one has to buy into the product they’re selling. Self-love, no matter where you think you fall short is the perfect poison for any moment of personal doubt.
Most of the time, a man really doesn’t care for anything more than sealing the deal on the table. We’re usually the ones caught up with the critical eye of over-examining things. And unless you have a career in “After Hours” entertainment, I think it’s expected you’re not necessarily going to look like a porn star 24/7, or be a walking portrait of perfection– which none of those women are.
There’s no better way to find out an answer to a question, than to go to the source. We decided to delve into the male perspective on the matter, and five men stepped up to the plate to share their thoughts on the situation. Here’s what they had to say about women when they’re heading between the sheets.
Comedians like Katt Williams have said that a man doesn’t care what a woman looks like, when they’re about to have sex. What personally goes through your mind when you’re about to make love to a woman?
Yes. This is very true. A man doesn’t care about whether or not a woman has stretch marks or anything of that sort. If we’re about to have sex, the last thing on our minds is how she looks. When I’m in the moment with a woman I’m trying to reach two goals: getting mine and making sure that she gets hers (if not more than once). – E. Naugher, 30, Self-Employed
The thing that goes through my mind before I make love to a woman is how bad I want to satisfy her so she feels happy. – O. Betiku, 29, Chemist/Model/Actor
A woman’s exterior in or outside of the bedroom matters very little to me. So, I couldn’t agree more with Mr. Katt Williams. What usually goes through my mind when I am about to make love to a woman is, “How lucky am I to be able share this special moment with this lady.” During the lovemaking I can only think of how much I can remind her that she is beautiful and amazing. Afterwards, I remind her that these are the times she looks the best: bed hair, perspiration dripping, and the massive glow radiating through the entire bedroom. – E. Jackson, 35, Photographer
Figures matter… or maybe that’s what women think men care about the most. Does a lady’s shape or size, ever run through your mind when you’re in the mood, and has it ever stopped you from going all the way?
Size doesn’t always matter to me. I don’t care if she’s big, small, short, or skinny, if we’re about to get it on, we’re going to do so regardless. But I would rather have a big gal because to me, there’s just more cushion for the pushin’. – E. Naugher, 30, Self-Employed
Not really, especially now since I’m older. I used to be picky and missed out on a lot of nice women. For me, she can’t be ultra skinny, or a SSBBW. Men are visual creatures, if a woman looks sexy performing her duties, then it’s cool. – S. Williams, 30, Producer (Villain Fan Club)
I must be attracted to a woman to make love to her. – D. Gray, 43, owner of Gray Media Productions, LLC
I do think figures matter to a certain extent, because it helps to attract you and get your gears turning. I also think it helps to know that when your partner is in good shape and health, they could actually keep up with you. – O. Betiku, 29, Chemist/Model/Actor
I do not believe I have ever allowed a woman’s figure to hinder me from “going all the way.” A woman’s frame has no relevance on the experience of being with her. – E. Jackson, 35, Photographer
Do you ever feel self-conscious about anything when you’re in the nude, or is that merely a woman’s issue?
Everyone is self-conscious, but it’s more so a woman’s issue than a man’s, I think. – E. Naugher, 30, Self-Employed
No, dudes have the same issues too. Everyone wants to be in tip-top shape, but guys do get over this quicker, rather it be in that moment, or at an early age. – S. Williams, 30, Producer (Villain Fan Club)
I don’t feel self conscious in the nude at all. In fact I even feel more confident that way. – O. Betiku, 29, Chemist/Model/Actor
Does insecurity turn you off? You know… how some women like to keep the lights off when it’s time for bed.
No. I like to make a woman feel very special. Every woman is movable art to me, which means that every woman is beautiful in their own special way. – E. Naugher, 30, Self-Employed
It’s wack that you have to tell your girl that her hair looks good about fifty times in 1 day, because she’s not used to her new hair color. – S. Williams, 30, Producer (Villain Fan Club)
I do think it is important for a woman to be confident about herself and her body. And most of the times when a woman is in good physical and mental shape, you don’t have to worry about the insecurities, and you can keep the lights on or off. But I’ll tell you this, I would prefer a woman with a few extra pounds who is confident in herself, than a woman who is about average and has no confidence. – O. Betiku, 29, Chemist/Model/Actor
I consider myself very understanding, and sometimes with the lights out it can heighten our senses in the bedroom. Touch then becomes a necessity. – E. Jackson, 35, Photographer
Is there anything you want to say to women, that you want them to know when it comes to their body, insecurity, etc.?
Just be comfortable with who you are, and don’t change that unless you want to, or for health or medical reasons. Either than that, if a man doesn’t like you for whatever size that you are, he’s not the right one for you, and he’s just a little boy pretending to be a man. – E. Naugher, 30, Self-Employed
Not everyone can have just anybody they want. A lot of that sex appeal comes from status, like fame, money, and things of that nature. All of your bodies are more than likely good to someone, and some people have standards about what they want and there’s nothing wrong with that. We all get dissed, I know I have, but I keep it moving, spread myself out, and network. Someone will say yes. – S. Williams, 30, Producer (Villain Fan Club)
I feel if a man is about to make love to you, he is already attracted to you, therefore you should let all inhibitions go, and be free to have fun! – D. Gray, 43, owner of Gray Media Productions, LLC
Beauty comes in all different shapes and sizes, and natural beauty free of cosmetic surgery and excessive make up is the greatest beauty of all. – O. Betiku, 29, Chemist/Model/Actor
Be comfortable in your own skin. – E. Jackson, 35, Photographer